Reflection
by xXCaramelxApplesXx
Summary: As he's dying, Mello reflects on the day he found out L was dead and left Wammy's House.


_**Title:** Reflection  
**Words:** 1118  
**Main Character(s):** Mello  
**Genre: **Angst  
**A/N:** I wrote this for a writing project in school, we had to use or incorperate the word 'intrepid' in some way, shape, or form. You'll probably be getting a lot more fanfics that I write for these sort of writing assignments, since we get one every weekend. Reviews are always appricated!_

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It all started on that one, sunny day while me and the other kids in my recess group were coming in. Near was sitting in the play room near the front door, finishing one of his stupid puzzles, like always. My first plan was to go up and maybe play some fighting video games with Matt, but that was quickly shot down when Roger grabbed onto my arm. "Mello."

"Huh?"

"Come to my room. You too, Near."

Near started to stand up, grabbing his puzzle, twisting a curl of his white hair around his right index finger. "Okay."

We were soon back in Roger's room, which functioned as an office for the orphanage. I was standing up with Near having sat back down on the floor next to me. Roger only called people to his room if they did something bad, or if there was something really important and private that had to be told to them. Near never did anything bad, so even though I often did cause trouble that couldn't be the reason. Curious, as always, I was the first to speak up. "What is it, Roger?"

There was a slight pause, allowing the time for the already sad look on the old man's face to get even more upset. "L is dead." Near paused in putting together his puzzle, the last three pieces from the upper left corner sitting his hand. My mouth just dropped open, and even though there wasn't a mirror I'm sure my eyes must've been the size of dinner plates.

Running the few feet up to Roger's desk, I leaned over all of his books and paperwork to basically yell in his face. "Dead?! W-Why?!" Near had once again begun working on his puzzle, the 'clack' sound from squeezing the last piece in was heard in the silence after my outburst.

"He was killed by Kira, wasn't he? Is that it?" Near was still sitting in the same place as before, staring at the puzzle he had just finished.

Still looking upset, and a bit uncomfortable discussing the matter, Roger replied. "Most likely."

At this point I leaned forward further and grabbed onto the front of the surprised old man's suit rather roughly. "After promising that he'd get Kira sentenced to the death penalty, he got killed himself?!"

"Mello..." Roger had begun, a shocked look on his face, most likely he was either going to console me or scold me for overreacting in such a way. Whichever it was I never knew because Near, having kept quiet up until this point, lifted up and overturned his puzzle with the cardboard pieces landing rather loudly on the wooden floor. Both Roger and I turned to face the white-haired boy sitting on the floor.

When the last few pieces had landed and settled, lagging a bit behind the others, Near spoke up with his usual, perpetually bored and cynical sounding voice. "If you can't win the game, or solve the puzzle, you're nothing but a loser." At that time his words were about as understandable to me as a foreign language, and I spent a few seconds trying to find the hidden meaning behind them before giving up and turning back to Roger.

I had calmed down a bit, but the tension was still noticeable in my voice. "So, which of us did L pick to succeed him? Me or Near?"

He looked at me first, and then Near. "He hadn't chosen yet... and since he's now dead he can no longer choose." That was as disappointing as if my best had shot me and left me there to die. The clacking of Near redoing his puzzle had fallen in time with the speed my heart was now beating, so slow yet so loud I was sure the others in the room could hear it. If he hadn't chosen, it was obvious who of us would be picked, so obvious it was painful even to think about it...

Which is why the next words said by any of us three surprised me so much. "Mello, Near... Why don't you two work together...?"

It wasn't much of a good surprise, but enough that I didn't know what to say until my white-haired rival spoke up. "Mm, fine by me."

"... That's impossible, Roger. You know Near and I don't get along... We're always competing with each other. We've always been rivals." Always... I had always been number two. No matter how hard I tried, or how hard I studied... "It's alright, Roger. Near can be L's successor."

A shocked look came across his face. He knew how much I had always wanted to be the best, how I wanted to be the one. "Unlike me, Near will always calmly and unemotionally solve whatever problem he's faced with, like a puzzle." I knew what I had to do, I had to catch Kira without Roger, Near, or anyone else's help. I had to avenge L on my own and prove my worth. In that time Near had already finished his blank, white puzzle once again. Pure white, except for the one letter 'L' in one of the corners. "I'm going now... I'm leaving this orphanage, too."

Turning and beginning to walk towards the door, Roger stood up and called out. "Mello!"

"Besides, I'm almost fifteen anyway." The door was open, but I paused for a bit outside. "I'm going to live my life my own way." I closed the door. In a way, it represented the closing of the door on my childhood, and I had forced the door closed on my own.

In the next hours I packed all of my stuff into one suitcase, pulled on my raincoat, and left without so much as saying a word to the friends I'd kept ever since coming to the orphanage. It's only now, as I lay dying because of Kira, the one I was trying to catch, that I realize something about that time. There was, and still is, a thin line between intrepidity and being just plain stupid. As I said those things I had been walking on the line, and it's taken reflecting on it while I'm dying to realize that with all the things I've done after that and up until now have just been pushing me further and further across it.

It's my fault that Matt died, and now Near has finally beaten me. I can just imagine his arrogant face, saying something like "He got what was coming to him." Maybe in the afterlife, or in my next life, whichever theory happens to be true, I can apologize, and maybe eventually beat Near in something. Maybe...


End file.
